I won't let myself dream

I won't let myself dream
of living in a house with someone,
a voice grumbling every morning
and a garden full of flowers.

I won't let myself dream
of picking someone up after work,
late-season sun dyed deep red,
the sunset drifting slowly home.

I won't let myself dream
of a little table, clothes neat and pressed,
the kettle plugged in, hissing to a boil,
children's voices echoing through the wall.

I won't let myself dream it through,
afraid to wake to an empty present;
more haunting than the sadness of waking
is the regret for things... too fanciful...

After running from my dreams so many times, I don't think I'm clear-headed enough to believe I can face every absurd thing that feelings bring.

This world gives us so much to hope for, so much we want to build ourselves, but we are only cowards, scared and trembling, hiding in a corner and crying out for someone to show us a little kindness.

Small, lonely and pitiful,
when we wish our dreams would come true,
maybe this reality is worth throwing away...
But try to get through it,
because
there is no other choice.

---

Tan, 6 January 2022
First published in Vietnamese on Phong is writing. English translation for this site.